For many, the beginning of law school signals the end of their current romantic relationship. I’ve written before that 70% of relationships started before law school end within a year of becoming a 1L. If you are currently in love and considering a legal education, this may be a disturbing statistic and, in fact, I think it should be. It doesn’t mean that pursuing a law degree will imperil your relationship; but it does mean that you should be prepared for the challenges that this professional degree will inevitably introduce into your romantic life. How can your law school relationship survive and even thrive?
Start the dialogue now. The best time to start talking about your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is before school starts. Start creating structures in your relationship for articulating needs and addressing conflict. If you already live with unspoken needs and unprocessed anger or hurt in your relationship, a legal education may be the straw that breaks the camels back. So, start practicing now. Make sure you have a system in place in your relationship for checking in and communicating honestly.
Define your needs. Whether you or your boyfriend/girlfriend are in the midst of the admissions process, take time to figure out what you want from the relationship now and when school starts. What makes you feel fulfilled in your relationship? How important is attention and quality time to you? How do you know when you’ve had enough? If your partner is attending law school, how comfortable are you spending time on your own or with your friends? Being clear on what makes you feel fulfilled, happy and safe in a relationship will help you in structuring your time and communicating your needs to your partner.
Set expectations. To the degree possible, both parties to the relationship should understand each other’s long-term romantic plans. Is the goal in your relationship to have a long-term commitment that will extend far beyond school? Or is it too early in your relationship to know for sure? In general, I would caution against answering these questions prematurely; but I raise the issue because long-term plans may make the challenges of law school easier to bear. You or your partner may find law school easier to handle if it is part of a long-term project of growing close and building a life together.
